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Choosing a matchmaker
Having decided that professional matchmaking might not be quite as strange an idea as I once thought, I started looking at who I would actually trust to do it.
A few names kept coming up, and I found myself circling back to Tawkify and Three Day Rule. They’re both established matchmaking services aimed at people looking for serious relationships, with an actual person doing the searching rather than another set of profiles to work through yourself.
One difference jumped out pretty quickly. With Tawkify, the introduction is blind. Your matchmaker knows what the person looks like and takes physical preferences into account, but you don’t get a photograph before the date, whereas Three Day Rule lets you see who they have found first.
I can see the appeal of that. Attraction matters, and handing somebody several thousand dollars does not suddenly make me immune to wanting to know whether I fancy the person they are proposing.
At the same time, part of the reason I’m considering a matchmaker in the first place is to get someone else involved in the choosing.
Tawkify vs Three Day Rule at a glance
|
Tawkify |
Three Day Rule |
|
|
Do I see my match first? |
No. Dates are blind, although physical preferences are considered. |
Yes. You see photos before deciding whether to meet. |
|
Dating pool |
3 million+ singles, with recruitment beyond the existing network too. |
250,000+ singles, with recruiters also approaching people outside the network. |
|
Screening |
Every proposed match gets a live video and criminal-record screening. |
Matches are personally vetted. Criminal-record checks may be carried out, but aren’t standard for every introduction. |
|
Help around the date |
Relationship coaching is available, and a separate team plans the date around your preferences. |
Stronger emphasis on coaching, professional photography, and helping you feel ready to date. |
|
Published starting price |
From $4,900. |
From $6,300. |
|
Probably better for |
Someone comfortable with a blind introduction who wants a larger published dating pool, consistent screening, and more of the date handled for them. |
Someone who wants to see their match first and values more coaching and help getting ready to date. |
Whichever one you choose, you’re not just paying somebody to find a name, pass over a phone number, and wish you luck. These are fairly involved services, and deciding between the two is really about what you want your matchmaker to do for you.
Do I want the photo first?
Of all the differences between them, this is the one I’d struggle with most.
Three Day Rule is very clear that its clients do not go on blind dates. You can show your matchmaker examples of people you find attractive, and when they find somebody for you, you see photos before deciding whether to meet them.
That feels reassuringly familiar. However much we might complain about the superficiality of dating apps, we’re still used to knowing what somebody looks like before agreeing to spend an evening with them.
Tawkify takes the opposite approach. Your matchmaker builds up a detailed picture of who you’re looking for, taking into account things like values, lifestyle, personality, relationship goals, and physical preferences, but you don’t see a photo before the date.
I get why that feels a little daunting. The obvious worry is ‘will I fancy them’?
The trouble is, I’m not sure a photo can always answer that anyway. I’ve met people who looked great in pictures and left me completely cold in person, and people can surprise you the other way too. Attraction can be in somebody’s voice, the way they laugh, the way they carry themselves, or simply how you feel sitting across from them.
There are things no carefully chosen snap is going to tell you either, whether that’s how someone treats the waiter, an annoying laugh, or forty-five uninterrupted minutes about their cats.
If seeing a photo before a date is non-negotiable, Three Day Rule makes far more sense. But I can also see how somebody I might dismiss in three seconds from a photo could turn out to be way more attractive in real life. Who knows? They might be the person you’d have swiped left on and never thought twice about.
Whether I’d still feel quite so open-minded five minutes before the blind date is another matter.
How far can they actually look?
If I’m paying someone to find potential partners for me, I’d like them to have a decent-sized dating pool to work with.
Three Day Rule has a network of more than 250,000 singles and works with clients nationwide, although it has a particularly strong presence in 15 cities, including Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Boston, Miami and San Francisco. If you live outside one of those core markets, that may mean being open to travelling for a match or having a first date virtually.
Tawkify starts with a much bigger dating pool. It says there are more than three million singles in its network, and its matchmakers can look beyond that too if the right person isn’t already there.
A bigger pool doesn’t automatically mean a better match. Three million wrong people are still three million wrong people. But if I’m paying someone thousands of dollars to do the searching, I’d want them to have a lot of options.
Who has actually checked the person I’m meeting?
If I’m going to meet with a complete stranger, I want to know that someone has checked them out first.
Three Day Rule says its matchmakers personally vet potential matches and that it uses identity-verification technology as part of the process. It can carry out criminal-record checks too, but that isn’t something it promises for every standard introduction.
Tawkify is more specific about what happens each time. Every proposed match goes through a live-video screening and a criminal-record screening before the introduction is arranged.
I would find that reassuring, particularly on a blind date. I may not know what the person looks like beforehand, but I do know somebody has actually spoken to them and carried out those checks before deciding we should meet.
None of that tells me whether I’ll actually like them, of course. A clean background check can’t tell me whether we’ll have chemistry, whether they’re a decent person, or whether they are going to spend dinner talking almost exclusively about themselves. Screening is an extra safeguard, not a guarantee that somebody is safe or that the date will go well.
What am I still expected to do myself?
If I’m paying several thousand dollars for a matchmaker, I don’t just want help finding someone. I want to know what happens once they’ve found them.
Three Day Rule puts a lot of focus on getting you ready to date. Depending on the package, that can include coaching, professional photos, and advice on how you’re presenting yourself, as well as feedback afterwards. I can see why that would be useful, particularly if you’ve been out of the dating world for a while and feel slightly rusty.
Tawkify offers relationship coaching too, but I like the idea that goes into the date itself. During onboarding, you’re asked about the kinds of places and settings where you feel most comfortable. Once there’s a match, a separate curation team uses that information to plan the date, choosing somewhere the two of you can hopefully relax, feel like yourselves, and see whether there’s actually a spark.
Three Day Rule can help plan dates as well, so there’s overlap. But more of its support is aimed at helping you feel ready for the date, while Tawkify puts more thought into where and how that date actually happens.
I’m reasonably confident I can dress myself and hold a conversation, but finding the right person and giving us both a decent setting in which to discover whether we actually like each other is the bit I’d be happy to hand over.
And then there’s the price
And then you get to the numbers. Neither of these is something I’d sign up for on a whim.
Tawkify currently says its matchmaking packages start at $4,900. Its 12-match Signature package is $15,000, while Premier, which comes with a much wider search and more support, can go all the way up to $70,000.
Three Day Rule starts at $6,300 for its premium matchmaking service, with more expensive VIP options above that. It doesn’t publish those higher prices, although recent independent pricing guides put some packages at around $20,000.
So, Tawkify technically costs less, but if I’m already considering spending five or six thousand dollars on my love life, I’m not sure the difference between the two starting prices would decide it for me. However, I appreciate that Tawkify is upfront with their prices. With Three Day Rule, I know where things start, but I’d still need a consultation to find out what it would actually cost me.
Either way, we are a long way from paying for Hinge Premium and hoping for the best.
So which one should I choose?
The photo is probably Three Day Rule’s clearest advantage. Attraction matters, and if the thought of turning up to a first date without having seen the person first fills you with dread, I can understand choosing the service that lets you look before you leap.
But it’s worth asking how reliable that photo-first approach really is. Tinder, Bumble and Hinge all give you photos. If a few snaps could reliably tell us whether there would be a spark in person, there probably wouldn’t be so many people looking for a better way to date. So giving up that first snap judgement might be exactly what you’re paying a matchmaker to help with.
And with Tawkify, there’s quite a lot behind that introduction. It has more than three million singles in its network and can search beyond it too. Every proposed match gets a live video and criminal-record screening, and the date is planned around the two people meeting, including where they’re likely to feel most comfortable and relaxed.
If you’re considering professional matchmaking because the usual way of choosing people hasn’t exactly been working, paying somebody to look beyond the photograph and think about who you might actually fall for doesn’t sound like such a bad place to start.